Maybe I Was Out of Control - Chris Brown speaks to Billboard

This is the first time Chris Brown is settling down to speak to a major media outfit about his many issues after leaving jail. He told BillBoard a lot about all that went down with. It's an interesting chat:

"I realize that what I do for a living opens my life to public scrutiny and that I have a responsibility to everyone because of that exposure. I can say that I am only human and I have made mistakes. I can say that I try to live my life in the most true, honest way that I can. I am not perfect, no one is. No one is harder on me than me. No one can please everyone. No one can live in the past and expect to grow. I have been moving forward and hope that I am not defined by just a few moments in my life but all of the moments that will make up my life."

Did you spend time writing while you were in jail?

No. You know, jail isn’t a place of many creative spirits. But as far as my creativity, I put it on hold until I got out. Jail is more of a regimen and a structure. I’m more of a free spirit when it comes to creating music, painting and art. So when I got out, I was very excited to get into the studio. I didn’t have any ideas or concepts; they usually come as I go [in to record]. I was drawing and sketching most of the time, biding time.

What was the daily routine like?

A guard wakes you up; you eat. You stay in your cell most of the time, basically 24 hours a day. Maybe on Mondays you go to the roof inside of a cage and have a phone call. It’s isolation. You have time to focus on what matters, on what to do and what not to do.

What lessons did you learn from the experience?

My maturity level has risen as far as my realizing what’s important. Realizing that I’m human like everyone else. At the end of the day, it’s just a humbling experience. You’re more appreciative of everything else that’s on the outside. A burger tastes 1,000 times better when you’re out (Laughs.) I’m just more appreciative of the things I’m blessed with and the things I do: music, being able to take care of my family, being able to see my friends and family. And do what I love and still be able to do it in a timely fashion to where people don’t think, “Oh well, he fell off.” Still being able to be consistent.

What did you miss the most?

I just missed my family. At the end of the day, music is definitely a passion. But when you’re dealing with your own personal issues, family is first. I just dealt with that. I missed my dad and mom, all my cousins ... seeing people’s faces and smiles ... seeing people who were just encouraging and positive.

How did you keep yourself motivated?
[I had to feel] like this happened for a reason. There was a purpose. Maybe I was out of control too much. Or I needed something to humble me to the point where I get it. At that point, I didn’t look at it as trying to get out of the situation but learn from it.

How have you been able to maintain such a loyal fan base?

First, I’d say God. Honestly. My faith in knowing what my purpose is and how I’m trying to find out what my purpose is. My fan base speaks volumes [to that]. I never want to say that I know everything or I know what the best song or a hit is. I just put it out there for people to like and love. I make music for myself personally, but I also try to do music that people can relate to, have fun with; evoke as much emotion as possible from my audience and peers. It’s God and just consistency with my talent. Being able to persevere if I get knocked down and always get back up. A lot of times, you can get convoluted and confused with all the mayhem and hoopla that’s going on. I just try to stay grounded; keep my family first. And always focus on what my purpose is: putting out great music. I don’t really focus on any extras or stories in the tabloids. It’s nonsense.

You’ve moved forward, and Rihanna says she also has moved -forward. Do you see a day when your relationship won’t be brought up at all?

When we’re not relevant anymore, that might be the case. As long as you’re doing something good, people will always bring up old stuff or negative stuff because they don’t want you to surpass a certain level or elevate. But as long as you have your head on straight, it shouldn’t matter what people want to say.

Explain what it’s like to live in the public eye.

I just have to realize it comes with the territory in this day and age of social media. My age group and younger stay on the phone and Internet. It’s easy access. So I just like to focus on what I’m doing instead of getting caught up. Everybody gets caught up watching Instagram or whatever; they have jokes and all kinds of things. I can still engage in it but not participate in the negative side. Not everyone in the world is going to particularly love me. But I’m cool with that. As long as I love myself and my music, I’m fine. People are going to say what they want to say. I don’t look over my shoulder or wish I could turn back the hands of time. Life is a learning experience, so I’m learning as I go. I’m not walking around angry about anything. So you just have to let it be.

Do you consider yourself a role model?

As far as my mistakes in life, that’s being a role model, because people can see my mistakes and learn from them. I’ve gone through more stuff than most 35- or 40-year-olds, and I’ve dealt with it. As far as becoming a man in the public eye, continuing to persevere and stay positive throughout trials and tribulations … that’s the only thing I’d say contributes to my being a role model. If kids look up to me, that’s amazing; great. As far as me as an artist and a person, I always want to exude positivity. But as far as saying, “Hey, I’m a role model, I’m the best of this,” I take the humble approach and let people make that decision for themselves.

How would you define redemption?

Being able to learn from mistakes and inspiring people to learn from yours. Redemption is being able to be completely humble and love yourself. Know that you’re human and understand that life has its ups and downs, but God always balances it out.